Burnout? NO! This is not about burnout. It’s about burning, but not burnout.
I’m a product of the Jesus People Revolution, and one of those who has been led by the Lord all over the world. I clearly remember Bible school teaching that the 30 year marker in ministry is a dangerous place: you know it all, you’ve been down all the roads, you are experienced, and bored.
Thirty-eight of those years fit the paradigm, then suddenly things changed. Snatched out of my office and taken to heaven June 1, 2009, I am ruined forever for the ordinary. The Bible is new. Devotions are no longer laundry lists, but love feasts.
I have mulled over all the scenarios that might answer the question, “Why?” The simple answer is hunger. I was starving for Jesus. He knew better than I what my appetite level was. The vision was short, maybe an hour at most, but so powerful that I spiritually limped for three days–like Jacob after the wrestling match with the angel.
It is stunning when you discover that while we go about our daily lives, wrapped in cocoons of dullness, insulated from a fiery heaven, billions worship ceaselessly. Seraphim, fire angels, cry out holy, holy, holy, with voices of magnificent flame, flying and calling out one to another. Each cry of holy produces a vision of a characteristic of His Majesty – bytes of glory, intrusions into the lives of men, creative power pounding the universe with life – neverending.
It is humbling when you realize that Jesus, all majesty and power without end, perfect and holy longs to run hand in hand with you in an environment where neither you nor He tires, has any limitation on speed or direction. He yells like a schoolboy with a lovesick crush and you answer back with a voice that shakes the heavens: love has come to that place we sing about, but know little about: Joy Unspeakable and full of glory. The path is the path of love and the flag He carries states that I am His and He is mine. He holds galaxies in the palm of His hand, yet my name is tattooed there – He shows me.
Creatures with eyes all over, angels in a blinding flurry of praise, oceans of crystal and pavements of sapphire all over arched with emerald beauty. I can’t hold back, I scream, and He screams and we run, and run, and run.
Yes, I’m going crazy . . . I am lovesick along with the Shulamite bride in Song of Songs. I shudder when I read that He is ravished by one look of MY eyes. Yes, it says that. Read it! (SoS 6:5). His Name is like perfume poured out – I long to smell it. He is romantic toward us, perfumes, ointments, fruit, gardens, songs, jewelry, mighty flames of a love so strong it is described with a single-usage Hebrew word that contains His Name, Shalhevet-Jah. Song of Songs 8:6. One can only describe shalhevet-Jah as white phosphorous which once ignited burns even more powerfully under water. What love! My nurse sister described a patient burned by white phosphorous who threw himself into a body of water to try to extinguish it. Bad choice – it licks up water like gasoline. Shalhevet-Jah.
The hunger increases as the days pass. One year and six months later, visitations, visions, open heaven, thin places (places of Christophany/Theophany described by the Celts), Scriptures leaping to life off the pages of the BOOK are daily occurrences. The tazing thing is realizing that this is eternal. It will not settle down into a mush of distant memory – it is living relationship. It is everlasting. I shout at the top of my lungs, He shouts back and we run, and run, and run. Seas of glass mingled with fire, rivers of fire and wheels spinning like fire hurricanes. Can you buy a Disneyland ticket like this? Why would anyone trade the things that are fading, cocooned in mediocrity for eternal joy? Joy unspeakable. All I have written can be said, what is coming cannot be uttered . . . there are no words . . . there are no means of communication adequate, yet, the Spirit searches the deep things of God and reveals them to His servants. I shout, He shouts back and we run, and run, and run.
This lovesickness, rather than feminizing men, taps their deepest hidden warrior, calling it forth to battle. The empire of darkness shudders. Demons scream – the Beloved in combat boots is running, and running, and running – overturning warehouses of demonic stockpiles for the unrelenting war against God’s crowning glory, mankind. Available weaponry makes HIS troops a force to be dealt with. Peace is a missile shattering confusion, doubt, and depression. Love sends the torment of fear fleeing at top speed. The enemy turns to seek less powerful victims and the Beloved runs after, setting captives free – the enemy screams and seeks refuge. Men are healed and eyes are opened. Tears flow and angels come to gather them, they are the diamonds of heaven, the living water from the spirits of men, the evidence of God’s touch.
God is terrifying power and perfect holiness, wrapped in overwhelming love and goodness, extending unmerited favor to all those who love Him to a thousand generations. He clothes His loved ones in favor like a royal robe. That favor radiates like gamma rays touching and changing everything around it. They who are quickened catch the effects; subtle, manifesting, liberating and move to the prize; captives set free. Men suddenly see what they could never see before. Men are set free.
I have jack-hammered the ‘on/off’ switch right out of the wall. I will never again tell Jesus to wait while I entertain myself: I am a Nazarite. He shouts, I shout and we run, and run, and run. This is the beginning. These are the hors d’oeuvres whetting hunger to a fever pitch. His Spirit is loose in the earth, setting fires everywhere, wooing His own to a place of no restraint. Joel spoke it, and His Spirit is being poured out on all flesh. He is speaking and I am listening.
Forty years is a dangerous time. Forty years is a time when nothing becomes something according to Jewish tradition. Forty years is a generation – I am born-again-again. Everything is new, no lists, no boring sessions called devotions – I’m trading for living love. The BOOK is alive making me alive. I am going crazy!
“If we are out of our minds it is for the sake of God, if we are in our right minds it is for your sake.” II Corinthians 5:13
Wonderful and personal life lessons Ron…. thanks so much. Very rich.
Wow–I love it–You’ve put into words what I’ve been unable to do. So glad you started this blog will recommend it to others, crazy like us.
Just 3 more years to go, and it will be 40 when I was filled with the Holy Ghost. I am stoking the fires and feeling the overwhelming extravagant love of the father for his sons and daughters. Blessed reading your blog.
All I can say is Hallelujah again and again. I am His and He is mine. I was counting last nite and this is going on my 22yr since coming back to my senses so I can go crazy with the lover of my soul. He promises ..if you seek me you will find me. Don’t let go too quickly of your lover. We are a generation of instant this and instant that and it is usually not as fullfilling neither is letting go of God too quickly.. Thank you Ron
Yes it has also been 40 for me. Thanks to my children for chasing me into the Kingdom with all my heart. Raised in the church doesn’t mean you are sold out to the Lord. But touching the Throne of Grace does. One of my favorite songs is “I can only imagine” when this plays it just tears me apart. Will I be able to stand before Him or will I fall o n my face, will I be able to sing to him or maybe not even be able to speak. HE IS THE GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.